What I've Learnt... From Three Weeks of No Social Media

That god damn never-ending scroll.

Instagram, Facebook, occasionally pinterest, NEVER twitter! I can lose minutes, hours or even days with it.

Any free time… a few minutes before school pick up, a train journey, an evening when my boyfriend is out working. Like virtual expanding foam plugging all the gaps in my time and my mind.

I have had countless times where I was in a frenzy of check Instagram – check Facebook - check my emails – then begin again. Around and around and AROUND.

What am I even checking??

I put out about 4-5 posts a week which should take no more than 4 hours per week max, so why am I filling my free time this way?

Because that scroll is massively addictive, that’s why. It’s virtual crack cocaine.

I hadn’t had a holiday from my email in forever! SO this Summer I decided to make a change. I took three weeks of holiday from my business and working as a NHS midwife.

I took my daughter away to stay with friends in Spain, Italy and Portugal, turned off my Facebook, Instagram AND put my ‘out of office’ on. Here’s what happened…

FIRSTLY, THE WORLD DID NOT END.

For the first few days I caught myself going to check my social media accounts multiple times every day.

I noticed that I think in Instagram posts quite often. I mean WTF?! Does anyone else do this??

But after a week I had pretty much stopped thinking about checking social media.

Suddenly I had so much more time.

I started reading my book every day, and then multiple times per day. Reading in the ten minutes I had free before making dinner, reading in the bath, reading, reading, reading. My daughter saw me reading and started reading next to me (she reads like a maniac 2-3 books per week but normally does it alone).

My brain felt like it sighed and expanded.

I began to be able to just be. To sit and enjoy an icy tonic water without the need to be ‘doing’ all the time.

I started listening to guided meditations for relaxation.

I finally felt I had time and capacity to start an almost daily yoga self-practice with free videos on Youtube. (I lack discipline and it’s taken me fifteen years to manage this!!! )

My brain felt like it had been washed clean.

Being focused on just being in my body in the present moment was completely brilliant.

I felt more relaxed than I had for years.

When we came back from our holidays I didn’t want to check Instagram or my emails. I left it two days before I reluctantly checked back in.

Bookings for my business slowed down significantly while I was away, but it was worth it to have that break.

For the last few months I have been strict with myself and only check social media and emails Monday to Friday from 9am-6pm. I am still tempted to look in the evenings and weekends, but I want good mental health more, so I mostly don’t do it.

I now leave my phone at home when I walk my dog and as much as possible. I put it in a drawer whenever I’m not doing real work.

If I have a few minutes or a half hour free I still find myself reaching for the endless scroll… but I stop myself.

I’ve realised that making time to relax every day keeps me well and this is just as important or maybe more important than all the things on my ‘to do’ list and the lure of the endless scroll.

Have you thought about taking a social media holiday??

It’s been a game changer for me.

What I've Learnt... About Myself

Motherhood is a common experience.

As soon as I became pregnant, I felt part of this special club with other women. Strangers on the tube and in shops would tell me about their pregnancies and comment on the shape of my bump. I had a newly found common ground with my 80 something year old grandmother (who amazingly remembered the details of her pregnancies and births when she struggled to remember things that had happened 5 minutes ago). I had honest conversations about the joy and fear I was feeling with my best friends who were already mothers. I felt a new kind of closeness with my mum.

This all confirmed for me that motherhood can be a great connector between women. But I was also learning how intensely personal it is. Each new phase of my pregnancy taught me something new about me. From how I wanted to experience birth, to what I felt about my body, to principles that were and weren’t negotiable. Being a mum has continued to surprise me with what it reveals to me about me.

I’ve learnt from giving birth just how powerful my body is. When I had my daughter two and a half years ago, I was shocked by my physical strength when I was totally exhausted. With my son, who’s now 3 months old, the intensity of what my body performed during labour took me by surprise and took weeks for me to process.

I've learnt about my emotional resilience. When my son became ill when he was newborn, and we had to spend a week in hospital, I discovered my inner resources that helped me get through the scariest, most anxious time of my life. I've learnt that I can keep pushing through tiredness, but that there's a time to stop and look after my mental health because that's more important than getting everything done.

I’ve learnt that motherhood brings out my most primal and unselfconscious self. I am fiercely protective: I lunged at a cat who got too close to my newborn daughter for my liking. Skin to skin contact is the sweetest feeling. I love the fact that my face is more fascinating to my son than any mobile or toy and that my daughter’s interest in the parts of my body I like least is so innocently curious. She couldn’t care less if her dinner is instagrammable and she’d much rather I sing loudly than in tune.

I’ve learnt that the love I am capable of feeling is not limited. It has expanded beyond what I ever thought was possible with the birth of each of my children, and it continues to grow and expand with them.

The reality of motherhood is full of contradictions. It’s messy, complicated and exhausting. It’s full of pure unadulterated joy, pride and laughter. It’s personal and private but public at the same time. It has taught me the essence of who I am.

What I've Learnt... From A Tale of Two Tears

Preparing for the birth of our first child in 2013, I was utterly convinced we had it sussed. I expected to breathe my baby down in my bedroom, upright, giving my tissues time to expand, gravity supporting my open pelvis etc.

I knew if there was a real emergency, I would have an unplanned C-section, but I never considered any outcome in the middle.

When I started bleeding with each surge, 12 hours in, we transferred into hospital during transition. I’d been coping brilliantly, feeling supported, enjoying it even.

When we left for the hospital, all of that changed. I was treated as an inconvenience, a nuisance, a first time mum who had been foolish enough to imagine she could do it at home. 

Unidentified people removed my clothes and cannulated me without discussion or consent. The consultant told me I would need an epidural as the pain would now hit me all in one go- I remember her laughing as she said it, mocking my optimism about managing without one.

For almost 5 hours, I came under the most enormous pressure to get the baby out promptly, despite there being no indication that either of us was struggling medically. I withstood threats of a caesarean, of stirrups, of episiotomy, and in the end, unsupported and exhausted, forced my baby out of my vagina all in one go, after much straining and screaming.

Unsurprisingly, I sustained a 3a tear, which I waited 5 hours to go to theatre to have repaired. There, people spoke about their weekend plans as if I wasn’t there, and dismissed my anxiety about feeling SO cold.

Every instance of pain, every feeling of weakness, every trip to the hospital for the following 6 months, I felt not just the tear, but the trauma of the way I’d been treated. Undermined, disrespect, unnecessarily injuring myself to try and maintain some autonomy over my body.

Fast forward 3 years, to the beautiful home water birth of my second baby. It was the most incredible experience of my life, birthing on my own terms, confidently boundaried, and wonderfully supported by 2 fantastic midwives. They were WITH ME, in every sense.

This enormous baby, with his fist upon his head, emerged slowly and gently from my upright body. And I sustained another 3a tear.

Don’t get me wrong- I’d have loved not to have torn. But I can honestly say, I wasn’t traumatised by it, even upset by it (beyond the inconvenience of going in). Everyone I encountered was compassionate, reassuring, nurturing. 

I had very little pain beyond the initial recovery, and any time it smarted, I felt reminded of my capacity- how powerful I’d felt, how empowered and supported I was to bring the human I’d grown into the world as I chose. 

The way we feel about birth isn’t simply about what happens- on paper, my 2 experiences were broadly the same outcome. We are limitless in both our strength and vulnerability in birth. The way that vulnerability is met carries forward with us into motherhood- can we expect to be belittled, mocked, disregarded? Or respected, held, accepted? 

My experience tells me that our best route to more positive births and confident parenting experiences is to focus on how women want to feel, and how we can achieve that- through realistic education, through advocacy and kindness.

What I've Learnt... From The First Days Of Being A Mum

The first days of being a mum. 

I gave birth to my first son in 2013 and like most new parents I was excited, nervous, full of wonder! I remember returning home from hospital, my son shrinking down in the car seat and me, not quite knowing what to do. Where were the grown ups? I had given birth, but I didn't quite feel like a mum.

The day after we returned home, members of our families came to visit. They understandably couldn't wait to see & squeeze the new addition. I sat awkwardly on the sofa as my baby was passed around cuddle for cuddle, sniffed, cooed at and showered with love. I felt traumatised. My baby, who I had carried for 9 months, who I had shared every movement, breath and heart beat with for so long, was no longer attached to me. Not only was he not attached to me, we weren't even touching. After a few hours everyone left and we went off to bed. I snuggled him into my chest and cried. He didn't smell the same. It might sound crazy but those first moments of sharing him left me shaken. I felt so raw, open & vulnerable. I wasn't ready to share him, but I didn't feel like I could make the decision not to.

It's a odd place, those first days. You're a parent but somehow it takes a little while to step into the shoes. To feel like it's ok to make decisions for the little life you created. 

I gave birth to my second son just a couple of months ago and I knew from the moment we got pregnant that I wouldn't be ready to share him for at least a week. I needed that time to be with him before anyone else was, and now I'm mum enough to give myself that space. I didn't feel guilty about putting off relatives, or like I was being over protective and thankfully we weren't pressured to open the doors before we were ready. 

There's a lot of pressure in our culture to have guests, to announce births asap and spring back, have visitors & hand baby over for a squeeze, however it isn't the same in all cultures. It used to be traditional in Japan for women to stay inside with their baby for the first 100 days and in Mexico, women have a 40 day period of rest called a cuarentena at home with baby & other female members of family come to support her by taking care of cooking & care for the house.

I learnt from those first days that it's ok to close the curtains and cuddle. To protect your baby bubble & that your needs as a family are the priority. Everything else can wait. It's such a cliche but you don't get those first days back and they are oh so special. So cherish them. 

What I've Learnt... From A Love You Can't Conceive

My start is not the start and early life my children have had. At around 2 years old I was removed from my drug-addicted parents and placed in a children's home.

 I was adopted and later sent away to boarding school, suffering abuse of various sorts in both instances. 

This is not a hard-luck story. This is a story of the sheer transformative power that comes from having children and the indisputable gift of parenthood. 

I met my beautiful wife whose daughter had just turned 8. The road of step parenting has been rocky at times, to say the least. That could be a story in its own right.... 

She fought me hard but I could see her fears, empathy, and consistency won through. These are things I have learnt are so powerful in parenting.

 I'm touched to say that today this amazing 17-year-old young lady calls me Dad. The lesson here is that the power of just being there is so strong. Presence through the years and containing their emotions and helping them to understand them is something vital. 

On the 1st February 2013 my first child was born. Tears come to my eyes just writing this. We named him Morris. Perhaps, after Johnny Morris the old children's tv presenter? We can never be sure how the name came about?

My wife gave birth to him at home in our bed. I had never experienced such primal power in my life and my admiration and love for her swelled. There were complications towards the end but she was determined, so I was determined for her. 

I did all I could to be steady for her, taking little breaks when I could to pray and meditate in the toilet. These moments were very brief as if I wasn't massaging her or feeding her an endless stream of chocolate, I was in trouble! 

My first born was the happiest day of my life. To have this experience of my own flesh and blood is something I can't begin to explain here. I knew now, so deeply that life had new meaning and that with new life everything had opened up. I was consumed by a love I had not comprehended. 

On the 22nd of September 2015 my second son was born. We named him Ernest. Originally going to be called Ned, we changed it last minute before signing the birth certificate as we felt he was too sombre for Ned (we couldn't have been more wrong!). 

We had another home birth and this time I caught him. I'm welling up again as I recall his warmth and fragility in my hands. 

Incidentally, whilst writing this blog I did a little google search on Johnny Morris and discovered that his full name is Ernest, John Morris. I had no idea. I'm a little freaked out. It's like the spirit of Johnny may have somehow entered us around the time of naming our children. I did play his stories to Morris in utero....

My heart can feel like it's full to capacity with pride and love for my children. Then they show me something new, some new expression or echo of their mother. They dance in some bizarre interpretation of a song, talk sweetly in their sleep, show me a little more of who they are and capture me completely.

 These things and infinity more, incrementally build on the love I have. It is this kind of love that I don't think can be conceived until you have your own children. 

Yes it can be tiring and at times you can be going out of your mind but they are a blessing that defies description. The pure light that emanates from them charges me daily. 

There are a few things that I have learnt are key in this... 

They have a life of pure acceptance. This is unconditional positive regard. I am not over compensating with this for what I lacked growing up but I more than some understand the importance of this is raising children with feelings of healthy self-worth.

 I'm not perfect at this but I strongly believe in complete connection with my children. This involves empathy, putting myself in their tiny shoes and meeting them where they are at. I don't want them to feel alone and not understood. This has worked wonders, especially in regards to helping with tantrums. I can't help but give them a bottomless love and I like to think I have very secure children.

With these things I hope they will be as strong, balanced and happy as they can be. I'm devoted to giving them this parenting but I like to have these things to keep going: 

Daily meditation
Horror films
Date nights 
My counselling course studies (Thursday nights out)
My music
Writing, children's stories or just my journal
Chatting with friends
Walks alone 
And dedication to my business as a gentle parenting consultant 

Harry  (Dad to Laura, Morris and Ernest) x

What I’ve Learnt… From 10 Years of Mothering.

I’ve learnt so many things it’s hard to start.

I’m not even the same person I was ten years ago, you could say that’s just down to age, but I’d bet my last dollar that most of it is due to being a Mother.

At first you think you won’t get another good night sleep ever again, but by the time you’ve turned around, your kid turns ten.

You spend years being tired in your bones, tired in a way that you didn’t think was possible.

Sometimes you feel so tired and worn out you just want to crawl under the duvet and stay there for a week.

Then you find you can’t sleep past their morning wake time even though THEY can.

Before Mothering I could sleep til 11am, 12pm and even 1pm.

Now I wake up at 7am every day.

Mothers aren’t born overnight and for some of us it takes months and years to settle into our new bigger shoes. And that’s ok.

Becoming a Mother opens up an enormous part of you that you didn’t know existed before.

Your emotions are turned up so high after birth that the beauty and the pain in the world can be hard to bear sometimes.

Empathy becomes visceral.

Kids reset all of what you thought were your natural rhythms.

Every time you think you’ve got your finger on the pulse, the beat changes.

Nothing lasts forever. Every phase, every challenge, every moment of absolute bliss rolls in and rolls out again.

They bring you kicking and screaming into the present moment.

This is the only place they exist. 

And one of the greatest gifts they give you, although it doesn’t always feel like it.

Your children ground you to the earth.

They give you purpose like you never imagined possible.

You have to get your shit together quick.

There’s no more messing around wondering what to do with your life anymore.

They make you want to be the best version of yourself.

The love grows every day, every month, every year.

It’s a strange thing to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

And in the end your unconditional love for them is the making of you.

Budget-Friendly Apps to Take the Stress Out of Parenting

Are you looking for some fantastic apps to take the stress out of first-time parenthood? The right budget-friendly apps will help you enjoy every moment with your little one, give you valuable information on how to care for your baby, and help you stay organized. Apps don’t have to cost a lot, and there are many free and inexpensive apps that can help you look after your little one. Here are a few suggestions from The Hypnobirthing Midwife:

Glow Baby

Do you want to track your baby’s growth, or log nappy changes, feeding times, or how long it took to put your little one to sleep? Glow Baby is an app that lets you do it all, and you can record all the important milestones in your baby’s first year of life. You can see the info displayed in easy-to-read charts, and you’ll be able to monitor your baby’s overall health at a glance. You can also snap photos for the app’s photo album, and start collecting amazing photos of your little one at all their important firsts.  

The Wonder Weeks

Another great budget-friendly tracking app to help you monitor your baby’s development is The Wonder Weeks app. Not only does this app help track your little one’s firsts, but you’ll also get helpful tips on how to support your baby’s development and growth. You’ll have access to information about every stage of development, and you’ll be able to keep a diary, set milestone trackers, capture pictures, and create personalized schedules so you’ll be able to enjoy your new little family without stressing.

Cozi Family Organizer

Want to organize your family’s schedule all in one place? Start early with the Cozi Family Organizer free app. You can give everyone in your family access to your calendar, and you’ll be able to effortlessly plan babysitting schedules. This app will help you keep track of schedules as your family grows, and you can enter sports practices, add To-Do lists, make meal plans, and create reminders for the entire family. You can use the desktop or mobile version of the app, so you can see your schedule wherever you go.

Mommy Saver: High Contrast Visual Stimulation

If your little one is having a fussy afternoon, you can use the Mommy Saver app to give yourself a break. This app will calm your baby in a flash, and the soothing music, pleasant colors, and interesting shapes moving across the screen will keep your little one engaged. As your baby grows, you can use a variety of touch responses to keep your baby engaged, and enjoying the high contrast visual stimulation. Just be sure to use this app in moderation, as a special treat, and limit your little one’s screen time. 

Do You Have the Right Smartphone?

Most of the budget-friendly apps listed in this article need an up-to-date smartphone or tablet for the best functionality. If you’re first-time parents, every dollar counts, so shop online for the best deals on the technology you’ll use every day. As an added bonus, newer models have other features -- like amazing cameras -- that will come in handy as a new parent. While there are some cheaper options, popular models (like the Apple iPhone) are available in a variety of different configurations at varying price points. Just be sure to protect your investment by purchasing a protective case! 

First-time parenting can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. Download these amazing apps to take the guesswork out of parenting, and effortlessly track your baby’s growth and development. Take pictures of all the most important moments, capture your baby’s smile, and create memories for years to come all without spending a fortune on the technology that will help you save time and money. Make sure you have a smartphone that will reduce stress, and use technology to get the most joy out of parenting.

And the Birth is Just The Beginning...

She didn’t know that the birth was ONLY the beginning.

This picture was taken a couple of hours after Jazz was born at home back in 2008, you can see she’s still just wrapped in an old towel and I look high from all the oxytocin. 

Exhausted, euphoric, shocked and amazed all in the same moment. With no idea what an epic journey was ahead of me.

I found the first few months of Motherhood both blissful and very challenging. I adored my little baby but found her constant demands frazzling. I found my new great big wide emotions frightening. No one had warned me that I’d feel SO MUCH!!! She breastfed every 1-3 hours through the night for about six months, which is perfectly normal but the sleep deprivation made me delirious, paranoid and sometimes furious. I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP.

None of my friends or sister had children then - some of them still don’t, and my Mother was a few hours away. I’m sure it’s the same story for many many other New mothers all across the western world living in bubbles in the City.

But we aren’t designed to mother in isolation. It causes anxiety and depression. NEW MOTHERS NEED MOTHERING. You need a community close by for daily love, reassurance and company. A friend to say that everything IS OKAY... this is the normal rhythm of things, time will pass and everything will settle. Someone to hold you with compassion. 

If you’re expecting your first baby build your community now.

Attend groups and classes and courses and drop ins..... and whatever you enjoy so that you have a solid tribe of women who are sharing the same moment with you.

Surround yourself with Mothers and Mothers To Be in Pregnancy, let your Mother, Sister, Friend come and stay with you when your partner goes back to work.

Don’t be alone. We are meant to do this together.

Let's Stop Writing Birth Plans

Last night I tuned into the #positivebirthhour on twitter, a fabulous forum for birth inspiration and the topic was ‘birth plans’. I got stuck in (in between mouthfuls of noodle soup) with full gusto and found myself debating in the esteemed company of Sheena Byrom (@SagefemmeSB), Milli Hill (@millihill), Tracey Cooper (@drtraceyc) and Shawn Walker (@SisterShawnRM). These are all heroes of mine, and for those of you who aren’t familiar with these women… they are positive birth power houses. Go check them out!

The debate was so engaging for me, that I woke up at 4am this morning, with a blog bubbling around my brain.

So here it is…

As a hypnobirthing teacher and midwife I encourage my clients to be deeply informed, and confidently know their options as they approach their births.

However I don’t encourage ‘birth plans’. And this is why….

The word ‘plan’ has powerful semantic connotations. Once you have a plan, the general intonation is that you should stick with it but what if you don’t? I have walked into many homes, meeting a postnatal mother for the first time, and had her break down in my arms. Why? Because her plan ‘went wrong’, and she felt like a failure. Like her body let her down and she wasn’t good enough.

So I incorporate this experience when I teach my hypnobirthing families.

Now let me be clear. I teach complete positivity, complete faith in the birth process and complete trust in your body. I spend hours releasing reservoirs of deep fear and building immense confidence.

But I am medically trained, scientifically minded and honest with my clients.

I teach what you can control, which is perhaps 75% of you birth or more. There is so very much that you can do, to take control of your birth and ensure that it is empowering and positive. I planned and enjoyed a homebirth with my first daughter, with no hospital bag packed ‘just in case’.

I teach what you can influence by making informed choices about the options available. I teach you to think outside the box and question the options that are presented by your care providers. Yes you CAN decline vaginal examinations, yes you CAN decline inductions of labour, yes you CAN birth out of the guidelines.

I also teach what you can’t control. And give you the confidence to acknowledge and let this go. I go through birth scenarios, so that if a highly unlikely but possible emergency occurs, you are prepared, calm and confident in the face of the storm. And I must be honest, I have had a hypnobirthing client who had a crash emergency section (one which must be performed immediately to save baby’s life). And this is what she said about it

'My mum (ex-midwife, pre-hypnobirthing era) was with Paul and I throughout and she couldn't believe how calm I was during the entire labour...even at the hospital when it became an emergency. I'm so glad I experienced contractions and some of 'labour' - it was the most exciting/spaced-out couple of days ever and I don't recall any pain. Pressure/energy, yes, but it really wasn't pain like I'd expected. Everything you taught was exactly how we experienced it and I couldn't have got through it without your knowledge and techniques. So thank you. Beatrice is a chilled-out easy-going little chick and smiles all day long.'

It’s a fine balance between empowering women and not acknowledging that birth is at times unpredictable.

So let’s stop writing birth plans and start writing fully informed birth preferences. Or plan A and plan B.

Umming and Ahhing About Booking Hypnobirthing Classes?

Here’s why you should jump in with both feet first!

I have many women who get in contact with me around 36 weeks of pregnancy, when they have finally finished work. I live in London and my ladies are mostly very busy and tired. They haven’t made the mental space and actual time to engage fully with their pregnancy and birth preparation.

When they get in touch I tell them, “it’s never too late to benefit from learning the practical hypnobirthing tools”. And I truly believe that. But there is only so much you can do with two weeks, or two days of practice!

What I don’t say is, that they deserve to put their baby, their new family and themselves FIRST. They deserve to take time out, to take time off. They deserve MORE.

Making time to prepare for your birth says I AM IMPORTANT.

Making time to prepare for your birth says MY BABY IS IMPORTANT.

Making time to prepare for your birth says MY FAMILY IS IMPORTANT.

And having a baby changes EVERYTHING. To keep your family unit together, strong, healthy and happy YOU have to change. You have to start putting yourself first.

If you start putting yourself first during pregnancy, you are forming the habits which will serve your family for life. Take time for a daily stroll. Go to yoga. Read a book, yes a real book! Pay to see an osteopath. Have a pregnancy massage. Slow down.

If you are thinking about hypnobirthing classes, stop thinking and invest in yourself. You and your baby deserve the best start you can get. So don't hesitate and book early!

The Power of the Mind

This week I woke up with eczema on my hands.

The funny thing is I have never in my life had eczema before.

Never.

I wasn’t sure what it was at first. Scabies? An infection? Warts? Surely one of my lovely ladies hadn’t given me something nasty when I palpated her tummy, and told her which way her baby was lying.

No.

Bad midwife.

It was definitely eczema.

The last eight weeks have been pretty mega for me. I have started three projects which are life changing. I have been putting my all into them. My time. My energy. My passion. MY EVERYTHING.

And that’s the thing. As a midwife and hypnobirthing teacher I understand the profound mind and body connection.

I understand that your thoughts and feelings affect your body completely.

I teach women and their birth partners this every week! I support families to connect their mind and body so they can enjoy calm and positive births.

So why didn’t I see this coming?

Sometimes you just need a little help. Someone who can hold YOU for a little while, so you can take the weight off. Mamas and healthcare workers are notoriously bad at asking for support.

So today, after writing this I plan to

1. Book a good long deep massage

2. Book an appointment with an osteopath

3. Turn off my phone

Then take some time for myself to

1. Do some relaxing drawing for a couple of hours

2. Go and potter in our little garden because it feels like summer has arrived!

What are you going to do to take care of yourself today? I’d love to hear in your comment below.

My Top 4 Tips for Choosing the Best Hypnobirthing Teacher

For those of you out there thinking about hypnobirthing your babies, it can be confusing knowing which teacher to choose. If you live in a city it may seem like there is one on every corner. If you live in the sticks you might not have a teacher for a hundred miles or more.

A good hypnobirth teacher will explain birth well and teach you how to relax

A great hypnobirth teacher will leave you feeling prepared and excited for the big day

A sensational hypnobirth teacher will empower you to have a positive life changing birth experience… no matter what happens on the day

So here are my top 4 tips to choose the best teacher for you:

1. How do you learn best?

Do you enjoy the dynamics of a group, like to shout out the answers and remember it all better that way?

Or do you like to learn in the comfort and privacy of your own home, on a day and time that suits you? If you have any big fears to release before your birth, would you feel comfortable exploring and sharing them in a group? Perhaps not.

There are definitely advantages to learning hypnobirthing in both ways so choose the right one for you.

2. I recently did a rebozo workshop with Nicola Nelson another hypnobirthing practitioner who teaches in London and Bristol. We’d not met before and I instantly warmed to her easy, down to earth ways. She made me feel calm and relaxed.

And that’s the thing. You want to be taught by someone who you have an instant connection and rapport with. So how do you figure that out? A website will tell you a little about someone but a chat will tell you so much more, just five minutes will do! In five minutes you can work out if you click.

And in five minutes, you can work out if this is the right person to support you through one of the most important journeys of your life!

3. Many hypnobirthing teachers have a pretty impressive skillset. You’ll find ones who are doulas, midwives and doctors. Some that are massage therapists, psychotherapists and aromatherapists. Others that are lactation consultants, yoga teachers, rebozo practitioners and rock stars (just kidding). The list goes on.

So…

If you love science, and really want to get down and dirty with the hormones and physiology of birth, choose a teacher who is medically trained.

If you want to focus on getting baby into the best position for an easy birth choose a teacher who includes rebozo.

If you are thinking to add some bundles to the course like a lovely doula or professional aromatherapy massage, choose a practitioner who can do that for you too.

Think about what you really need and choose the teacher that fits.

4. All hypnobirthing teachers have trained in a different way, be it the original Mongan Method, Wise Hippo or Association of Hypnobirthing Midwives (AHBM). But after a year or two every teacher will really start to bring themselves to the party! We can’t help but incorporate everything we have learnt along the way. Like anything the more you do it, the better you get!! So choose a teacher with lots of experience.

Know someone who should be thinking about hypnobirthing? Please share x

Motherhood. No Thank You!

I’ve noticed something funny going on in my circle of female friends. These women are powerful and majestic. These women are on inspiring life journeys. These women I love.

These women are really, really, really putting off birthing their babies. And by putting off I mean, there isn’t even a twinkle in their eye! In fact they are actively recoiling away from motherhood. And that’s the thing, it’s not that they are afraid of pregnancy and birth. No. That’s not it at all. They are reluctant to embark on that big, transformational voyage into the unknown. Into Motherhood. Motherhood has become the elephant in the room as the clock ticks through their thirties.

And I’ve been thinking about that lately, about why they want to delay? Why they want to soak up every last minute of decadent childlessness? Why they don’t want to diverge off their own singular path. Why they aren’t ready to give up the capricious freedoms. And I’ve answered my own question in three sentences.

Hmmm. This isn’t going how I had planned…

So what is it that I really want to say to all those magnificent women out there? The ones who think about having children and feel intrepidation. The ones who develop a cold sweat when they come with me to do the school run. You know who you are!!

I want to say this.

Motherhood is like opening up a room in your mind that you never knew was there. Motherhood is like the universe expands. Motherhood is like jumping off a bridge and finding you have wings.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

I’d love to hear your biggest, most beautiful surprise about motherhood, please comment below x

5 Tips for Positive Birth

Being a dreamy 25 year old student I went for the stereotypical hippy option, a pain-relief free homebirth on the living room floor. Using hypnobirthing breathing techniques and plenty of youthful naivety I had an incredibly powerful and positive birth experience. It put me on the road to where I am now, somewhat older, slightly wiser and considerably more grounded. What I learned from giving birth is that women are shape-shifting superheroes and are much tougher than we seem! Our bodies completely transform in birth and open up like blooming technicolour flowers.

These days I am a midwife working in a busy South London birth centre and a hypnobirthing teacher. I love my work passionately and feel lucky to have found what feels like a calling, something I never imagined I would find. A large part of my job is preparing parents and especially first time mums for their births. Now if you have had a baby or been with a birthing woman you will have your own take on what birth is, how it feels and what advice you will give to your friends when it’s their turn. From what I’ve seen every woman will have a strikingly individual experience and what would be a heavenly natural homebirth for one can be painful and traumatic for another.

Here are my TOP FIVE TIPS to have a positive birth experience, no matter which way you decide to birth your baby:

1. I’ve noticed that the women who stay active in their pregnancies tend to have easier births and quicker recoveries. This seems pretty obvious - of course if you are fit and healthy your body will work more efficiently. But this isn’t so easy when you are nine weeks pregnant with raging morning sickness that lasts all day and all you want to do is lie on the sofa with your duvet eating malted milk biscuits! When you get to your second trimester and have a little more energy get active again. Walking, swimming, pregnancy yoga and pilates are all fantastic.

2. Stay relaxed. Easier said than done when you have a two year old causing all kinds of crazy in the kitchen cupboards! Especially now that she has just figured out how to climb up and open the ones you didn’t think you would need to child proof. If you already have little people who need your constant attention, relaxation may mean you take ten minutes out at the end of the day to lie down quietly and do some breathing. Or find an obliging chap to give you a good long foot rub. Make time for yourself you deserve it!

3. Many of the women I see are very anxious and fearful about birth and pain. They are often very well informed and have definitely watched plenty of ‘One Born Every Minute’. To a certain extent you can choose what you fill your life up with so immerse yourselves with healthy, happy birth. Watch some beautiful water births on YouTube, talk to your friends who have had good experiences and read anything by Sheila Kitzinger, Ina-May Gaskin or Michel Odent.

4. These days most women will make a birth plan, a long wish list cherry picking all the best bits. I think it’s great to be well informed and know what you want! I have also noticed that from time to time babies don’t read the plan and have ideas of their own. How dare they! I recommend that you also write a ‘birth tweet’ (not that this should be published of course). A tweet has space for only 140 characters which is about two sentences. This enables you to condense down the essence of what is really important to you. This would be mine ‘We want our baby to be born in a calm, peaceful and loving environment’. Give it a go!

5. Can you guess my last top tip? Of course it’s hypnobirth. Having supported hundreds of birthing women and used hypnobirthing myself I know how well it works. Hypnobirthing provides the knowledge and understanding of normal birth, combined with relaxation techniques to keep you calm and in control no matter what happens. I have supported a couple who used hypnobirthing during an elective caesarian, the calmest I have ever attended!

Once you have had a baby you may suddenly realise how epic every woman who has ever gone before you really is. Something that your children may also realise about you when they finally grow up and stop climbing up the kitchen cupboards!